True Story

This morning I jumped on my horse

And went out for a ride,

And some outlaws chased me

And they shot me in the side.

So I crawled into a wildcat's cave

To find a place to hide,

But some pirates found me sleeping there,

And soon they had me tied

To a pole and built a fire

Under me—I almost cried

Till a mermaid came and cut me loose

And begged to be my bride,

So I said I'd come back Wednesday

But I must admit I lied.

Then I ran into a jungle swamp

But I forgot my guide

And I stepped into some quicksand,

And no matter how I tried

I couldn't get out, until I met

A water snake named Clyde,

Who pulled me to some cannibals

Who planned to have me fried.

But an eagle came and swooped me up

And through the air we flied,

But he dropped me in a boiling lake

A thousand miles wide.

And you'll never guess what I did then—